It is not true that life is one damn thing after another. It is one damn thing over and over.

John Jensen

The trouble with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful hurry.

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.

Jackie Mason

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

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