Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.
A human being must have occupation if he or she is not to become a nuisance to the world.
I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
Dancing with her was like moving a piano.
The food was as tastefully forgettable as... as... Oh, I can't remember.
I wish to see beer become common instead of the whiskey which kills one-third of our citizens, and ruins their families.