The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you A-flat minor.

Most of the terrorists came here legally, but hung around on expired visas for years. Compare that to Blockbuster: You're two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going on.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen."


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